If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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