WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
