Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
