he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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