they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
40s are totally the cure
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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