I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
