What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
