i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you made out with another girl for some wings
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
