Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize