Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
