I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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