Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
