So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
