Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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