So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
