Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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