I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
