allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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