I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
