ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
no, he came in my armpit
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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