i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
