I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
