I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
