I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
