why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
