you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
