I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
