Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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