my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
