I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
