I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize