i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i now understand why vodka
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
