And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
