My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
