No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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