Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
