DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
