normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
