Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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