Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
