after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
