a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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