Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
