tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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