She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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