Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
