shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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