whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
