I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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