I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
