His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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