How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
