Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
