I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
