The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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