I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
