Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So drunk its hurt
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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