Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize