Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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