how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
