Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
