idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize