My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I sprained my soul last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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