I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
