Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
