Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
