You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I wish I could teleport
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
