i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
how does that bad decision feel?
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