if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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