I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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