You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Two words: nipple clamps
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