i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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