Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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