bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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