apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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