Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
People in love make me want to vomit
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
