My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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