I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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