I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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