I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
