i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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