4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
