Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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