i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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