final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
