i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
