There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
