I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
