theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
