I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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