My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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