tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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