bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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