the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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