if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
