come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm passing your future prison.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
