I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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